and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
