Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
