I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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