i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
