Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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