The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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