She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
