You smell like stripper and shame
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
