I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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