Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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