I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
