Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
