dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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