I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
