I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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