Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
