I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Semen is not good for contacts.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
