Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
