my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
