Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
