The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
