barbara walters just said penis...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
