Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
