I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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