He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
