she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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