Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize