People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
