Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
