She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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