youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
