sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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