she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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