I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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