Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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