when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
