So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We got so high we made milksteak
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
