this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I love you.
Bad choice
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
