Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
