We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
