He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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