When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
