I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
