girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
