I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
