When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
