I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
