Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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