Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Did I show you my penis last night?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
