I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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