are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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