i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
