My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
