I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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