i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
