News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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