so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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