im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
