So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
