there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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