i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
