I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
