i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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