I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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