I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No subtext here. People are naked.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
