I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
