i wish my penis had a tongue
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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