i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
nutella sex= disaster
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
