THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
