There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
