you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
