Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
