Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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