At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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