i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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